Thursday, November 22, 2012

I want to be a winner.


That was 16th November, 2010. Last day of O levels. Also one of the happiest days of my life. The relief...The lifting of a huge burden, finally being able to play, guiltless. It was sweet freedom. I still remember the clouds were puffy, the sun gorgeous, the sea gleaming, photos were pretty, skin was good, Macdonalds was tasty, everything was perfect. Because I did my best. Walking out, I was so happy and satisfied.

That was slightly more than 2 years ago.

Fast forward 2 years later, I'm still doing the same shit, taking a similar examination.

I can't say I've done well. For certain papers, yeah. But for some, hell no.

But nevertheless.

Left with two papers of MCQ. I gotta work hard. No slacking. Although I already am, sorta. But NO. After eating dinner with Sophia yesterday (@pizzahut :D)

Somethings I'll be doing after the holidays.
1. I've a good business idea. Kinda. Kept bugging me when I was mugging and I couldn't concentrate sometimes hahaha. Gotta pickup some computer skills.

2. Go to the library, read up on financial stuff. Since I'm already 18, I think it's time to learn more about money seeing that I'll be surviving on my own anytime soon.

3. Learn every dish my mum knows how to cook. Yes, cook. Hahaha. No choice. Gotta learn how to cook, and do it well.

4. Read lots of novels. hopefully have the discipline to learn some new vocabulary. But i know that's not gonna happen. Hahaha after years of reading I know that I seriously can't put the book down and scribble words. And by the time I'm done.... the idea of flipping through some hundreds-thousands of pages to find words seem so daunting... I'd much rather pick up another book. HAHA.

5. Go out with friends. Party the shit out. Just kidding. Just hanging out. This examination has been a really good telling to let me gauge: Which friends to keep, which friends to throw. I know for certain now, some of the people I'd like to keep close to me for quite a long time. Like Sophia. She's coming over today. When i was having my emotional breakdown. Who was there, and who wasnt. Now I know. And i feel lots of appreciation towards the people who put up with me. I am nothing without them. These are people I live for and will do anything for. Unflagging faith.

6. Bible study with myself every morning. I can't believe this is number 6... it's been bugging me too. I'll wake up (earlier) every morning. I gotta start reading the bible. God is calling out to me. My faith for God... through this examinations, has strengthened 100 fold. To influence people, I've to know more about the faith myself. I've to know God's word well. I MUST have the discipline to follow this through.

7. Find a church. It IS time.

8. Settle all my relationship grievances. Till today.. I've no idea what the hell i did wrong, or what went wrong. Gotta find out everything after As, when it hurts less. This is one box that I really don't feel like opening, but nevertheless still have to. It's a good learning point for life.

9. Update this blog. Change the layout. Add labels.

10. Record down my A level journey in my blog. Maybe not this blog, but my other private one. And maybe other things. This two months have been.... heartbreaking, tough, nerve wrecking. Gotta record down the good and bad parts about no. 8 too. Regret not writing about Os, now I can't seem to remember much. Only bits and pieces. I gotta record down my life journey and my feelings.

Back to the point.

I want to be a winner. Alright, not necessarily. But I don't want to be a regretter. If there's such a word. As of now.. It's getting really hard to sit down and start freaking studying because I don't have the discipline to.

I've a tendency to underestimate MCQs. Like.. it's just A/B/C/D right? There's no room for any error anyway. Like common!!!

BUT I'M WRONG.

And that's why I'm blogging now.

I'M WRONG. MCQ is an eye-boggling TWENTY PERCENT.

I HAVE TO WORK HARD.

I HAVE TO.

I don't wanna regret.

I've gotta get rid of my imperfect flesh.

Slogging so hard for chemistry. Weeks and weeks of practice, because my chemistry really sucks. Like seriously. I couldn't do so many questions in paper 3. It was heartbreaking.

NOW IS THE TIME TO TURN EVERYTHING AROUND.

I HAVE to make use of my time now.

MCQ is something I can conquer. Even though my basics are weak. I GOTTA TRY.

Alright. After eating I'm gonna attempt to study. Sophia's coming anytime soon anyway.

Till then, God bless.

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