Grades in university

At this juncture of my university life, 11 weeks into the term, I feel... lost. Lessons are relatively easier and a lot less challenging than A levels in terms of content. Emphasis, is instead, on an ability to talk and a self-discipline to stay focused and do your own revision. Additionally, staying in a Residential College in Cinnamon also brings with it a new way of living for me.

There's a million issues that I want to record down now, but for now, I will stick to my grades. I just... don't have the drive to try my very very best anymore. When I go to class, I know that it is 30% class participation, but yet at times, I am just too shag to talk after the mandatory 1 or 2 times to get the mandatory class participation for each class. For my USP essay, I know that I can do better, I even submitted my paper 3's draft late, and its worth quite a lot of weightage and also I am sacrificing being in the good books of my professor.

I wonder why.

Perhaps its because after my good A level grades, I ended up in NUS business school, albeit under a NUS scholarship, but still... i can get in with a much lower grade. I feel... the rat race in Singapore is over-hyped. I feel... a sense of laziness because after mugging my ass off for A levels, i couldn't bring myself to feel like this over again. And because the rigour isn't really there, focusing instead on accuracy and articulation, perhaps. Most importantly, I want to start my own business, and i don't think CAP is a way of working towards that. This results in some kind of disjointedness, I guess. I score a good CAP for? A good job in a good company. But the irony is that I dont WANNA work in a good company. And there lies the conflict.

But, I suppose, I want to strive for excellence in whatever I do, and for God & my parents to be proud of me, and that is what will keep me going.