Cant help but feel a little weird now that I'm sitting here, but my grandma is in the hospital possibly taking her last breath. It's moments like this where I feel so helpless, yet so vulnerable at the same time.
Had to left CCA early today because my grandma fell really sick and had to be admitted into the hospital's emergency unit. When i reached there she was shaking really badly and had a lot of trouble breathing. She didn't even have any strength to talk or even move her eyeball.
Walking down the hallways in Alexandra Hospital I can't help but feel that it did seem to mirror that of the hospitals I see in dramas, where all the family/relatives will stand around the corner of the bed of their loved ones, or how the family will be standing anxiously awaiting for the doctor's arrival.
The hospital seemed very morbid, where lots of nurses were walking around, and lots of frail, old and weak people lying around on the beds.
They pumped oxygen in and the doctor said that this will probably be her last night alive. Gave her morphine. Shes too weak for surgery so to put it sadly, she's just waiting for death to come. Meanwhile, no last words, no nothing. She can't even acknowledge our presence.
I swear i saw her crying. It's as if she knows, the end is near. I wonder if she has any regrets. We'll never know. Can't help but feel so much regret. Why didn't i talk to her more last week? Why?
Why is life so vulnerable. The scene by the hospital bed, just seems so unnatural and different now.
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